First blog for 2023
It's February 21 2023
Damn, it's been so long since I posted a blog entry, lmao.
I guess I just fell out of coding--like how many of my hobbies do. I fall in love with a hobby, be super obsessed about it for months, then suddenly lose interest then go back to it again then the cycle repeats.
I've been doing both well and unwell lol
I graduated college Summa Cum Laude back in December, but I'm having trouble finding a job as an accountant. I feel a little impatient about it, too.
I finally have a partner who I love very much despite only meeting him recently, but he is super cool and nerdy and I just love him and want to squeeze him and give him all my love. I have a regular job that I want to replace but I'm actually really carefree in my current job. Sometimes, I just get paid for doing nothing. I recently acquired the Sims 3 complete collection and Sims 4, too. Note, these games were my childhood games, so it means a lot to me. I added new pages such as the AiTada Shrine + fanart Gallery and started the Marina, Halestorm, and finished the Aurora shrine. I should be happy. I really should be happy.
But despite this, I feel very...unsatisfied with my life. I feel restless. Like I should be doing more. I am not motivated.
I haven't exercised or showered in a while. Oh god, I haven't exercised in a while, and I have this elaborate routines I want to implement in my life that are absolutely going nowhere. I haven't updated my webnovel. I haven't been at peace with my webnovel. I haven't practiced my instruments and I'm super super rusty at them. I'm just....existing.
But I should be fucking happy because I have so much to be happy about...and yet I am not. And I truly don't understand why.
I just feel...directionless sometimes.
I know that tiktok where it goes, "My purpose in life is to exist and have a great time living it," but I truly don't feel like that at times. I'm just. Meh. Numb even.
I hope it changes because I really believe I have so much to be grateful about in my life, but I can't feel. I want to feel especially if it's a positive emotion.